Posted in Healing, Psychology

Understanding a woman and her feelings

all is love

“This is one of the most life-changing articles I have ever read. I make 100 copies at a time and hand them out to everyone. It takes 5-10 minutes to read, but worth every second. It helps women to understand their feelings, be responsible for how we are wired, and will help men to help their women out of a shutdown. Here is the article from Alison Armstrong:

The most important article I have ever written. Please feel free to pass this on to all the women AND all the men in your life. – Alison.

Heart and Lungs, Life and Energy Imagine, if you will, a woman. Let’s look inside of her. Not the way a doctor might see her, but someone with more intuitive vision. In the center of her chest is a very unique organ. It looks like a disk about the size of a salad plate, up to two inches thick, and it fills her chest. When it is healthy, the color is a vibrant red or magenta or red-orange, and the surface is soft and even bubbly. Like the lungs, it pulls life and energy in from the environment. Specifically from nature, from the joy of loved ones, from beauty. Like the heart, it is connected to every part of her body through a complex circulatory system. As life and energy are pulled into it, life and energy travel to every extremity.

This organ is called “her feelings” and it is the core of her being.

When a woman is delighted or happy, this organ fills with life and energy, expanding and expanding. The life and energy move from her chest to her lungs, and she may breathe more heavily or deeply. From there, the life and energy move to her throat, and she may laugh or giggle or sing. Continuing upward, her mouth turns into a smile, her skin glows and her eyes sparkle. The life and energy flow through her smile and skin and eyes to the people around her and they are uplifted. When the life and energy reach her brain, they fill her head with hopeful, loving, magnanimous, creative thoughts. And as they reach her arms and legs, hands and feet, her step becomes lighter and she may even dance.

This is when she is her most powerful, and paradoxically, her most vulnerable. Bask in her beauty and light and treat her with care.

Pain and Blackness, Silence and Immobility Imagine now that something happens which “hurts her feelings.” Intentional act or mere oversight, when a woman’s feelings are hurt, the process works in reverse. The rate at which this occurs depends on how harsh or shocking was the hurtful act or comment. It may take three to thirty minutes for the process to be complete.

Within a few seconds the organ has constricted, changing color to black or dark gray and becoming hard and tight like a rock or fist. Vibrant and pulsing a moment before, it lies lifeless. The woman might gasp as she feels the core of her being shrink and harden. Then this new death travels the pathways that life and energy flowed through just moments before.

Being closest to her lungs, breathing will be the first to go. She will feel as if she can’t breathe and her actual breaths will become shallow. Next is the throat. She will be able to speak for only a few moments longer and then the death-feeling will shut down all energy to her throat. The “silent treatment” that others dread is not voluntary. She cannot speak. Her eyes will suddenly become sensitive to light, and especially to people. She’ll have to avoid all eye contact, for it hurts them. After a few more minutes the life and energy is gone from her arms and legs. If she can’t cocoon, she’ll move slowly. If she can, she’ll find a safe place, curl up and become immobile. As time passes, her body feels heavier and heavier, like dirt is being piled on top of her.

In her experience, she has been completely shut down. Then the real mischief begins.

For one small, crucial part of her brain has a back up generator, which turns on as the rest herself shuts off. And it has access to a specific set of files. Let’s call it “the Rage Monster.” While she lies breathless, speechless, blind and immobile, the Rage Monster dips into all the records of irritations, annoyances, pet peeves, and any unresolved injuries. With only these to work with, the Rage Monster starts churning out speeches. Its fantasy is all-out verbal warfare. It plots revenge.

As time goes on, the Rage Monster will gather momentum. Physical proximity to the person who her hurt her feelings fuels the Rage Monster, giving it energy. Though lying buried under dirt, mute and blind, the woman may try to move to a distance from the source of the hurt, understanding intuitively that this might quiet the beast in her head. She may move to another room or out of the house altogether. On the surface, the Rage Monster may take over the woman’s facial muscles, making her look angry or upset. But underneath its rantings, a small voice in her head is pleading for help, hoping the person who buried her might come dig her out. For he or she is the only one who can.

On the Other Side

Now let’s look from the point of view of the man. Why a man? Because women are more vulnerable to the men they love than anyone else on Earth. And because feelings are different for men. Or so they have told me. Men’s feelings, while just as deep and significant, don’t have the circulatory system women have. Scientists tell us that men don’t have as many connections in their brains from the feeling centers and language centers. This is good, by the way. Different but valuable for many purposes.

So, having a different relationship to feelings in general, the man does not realize that he has just hurt the woman. Whatever he did or said was not intended to be hurtful. Healthy men (which most are) never intend to hurt women. And that same remark or action would probably not have hurt him. He has no idea that her feelings are the organ at the core of her being from which all life and energy flow. No one has ever explained that to him.

After a prolonged silence, he starts to worry that she may be mad at him. He hopes this isn’t true. If he loves her, then her being mad at him is the worst thing that can happen. He is hoping, and maybe praying, that she’s upset at something else, but please, not at him. As one man expressed it, “I’d pay a million, billion, gazillion dollars for her not to be mad at me.” For a being designed to pursue success in every area, this is the worst failure. She is the sun and the moon and both have suddenly deserted his life. And he doesn’t know why.

If she does something that clearly indicates that the anger is directed at him, then hope will die, he’ll know he failed, and there is nothing to do now but fix it. If he has been able to fix it in the past, he’ll quickly respond. If he has never been able to fix it, then he’s really sunk.

Until the woman does something that overtly communicates anger, like going to sleep in the other room or stomping out of the house, he’ll keep hoping that it isn’t him. This is how the woman can be left buried under the dirt in darkness and silence for hours. He doesn’t mean to be cruel. He doesn’t know that she’s drowning and that he’s the only lifeguard.

“I’m Sorry I Hurt You” Raises the Dead

When he does go her, he’ll want to confront the anger head-on. Because he thinks it is real. He doesn’t know that it is the Rage Monster’s default program of miscellaneous junk that really didn’t bother her that much at the time. If he engages the Rage Monster by being angry himself – perhaps because it seems unfair to him that she is angry – then he’s likely to hear all the trash that has been being gathered and rehearsed. A smart man will treat it like the garbage disposal backing up. An informed man could avoid it altogether.

Beneath the anger is the hurt that shut down the whole system and enabled the Rage Monster to take over. If he says, “I’m sorry” – and means it – life will suddenly flow back into her chest and make its way to the rest of her body. It will take a while to reach all the different parts, so he should be patient. But as soon as he says, “I’m sorry,” with true kindness and remorse, the generator to the Rage Monster will shut down and its products quickly fade away. Her true self will take over her mind and her vocal chords again.

What should he be sorry for? Women usually need to hear “I’m sorry” for two things. She needs him to apologize for whatever he said or did, or failed to say or do. And here’s the catch – even if it was justified. Suppose he was late because his boss kept him at work. Completely understandable. But she still needs him to apologize for being late.

The second thing is even more important. Sometimes it is all that matters. She needs him to apologize for how he made her feel. She needs him to apologize for hurting her. He should say, and mean, “I’m sorry I hurt you.” If she suddenly sobs when he says, “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he shouldn’t fear. This sob is a powerful release of the hard, black fist that has gripped her chest. These words open her prison, and soon, she will be tearful but almost smiling, and on her way back to breathing in life and energy again.

“Ouch” May be the Magic Word

Having recently discovered that Greg, my husband of ten years, didn’t know any of the above, I became passionate about telling every man I know, and encouraging other women to do the same. I also began to wonder if there is a way to short circuit the whole cycle. I asked Greg what might happen if, during the few moments before my throat shut down, I said, “Ouch.” Would that alert him to my being hurt? Would that have the lifeguard jump into the water immediately and save me? Greg thought it might.

I understood, of course, that saying “Ouch” would not be easy. When I have been hurt and the system is in the processing of shutting down, making me more vulnerable seems like the last thing I should do. But I was determined to try it at the earliest opportunity.

The very next evening Greg said something that hurt my feelings. Since I was on the way to the market with my mother, my throat didn’t immediately close down, so the Rage Monster could vocalize. I called Greg on my cell phone from the grocery store and gave him a piece of my mind. He reacted in anger and, naturally, fought back. That made the Rage Monster boil to dangerous levels. Some will of mine prevailed and I hung up, thereby gaining some crucial distance.

As I picked out cucumbers and peppers, a small voice in my head said, “Perhaps you should have said ‘Ouch’.” The Rage Monster responded, “It’s too late for that!”

When I arrived home, all the usual symptoms were there. Although I was preparing dinner, I moved slowly, I could hardly speak and I couldn’t look at Greg at all. Then Annie, my youngest, volunteered to get something from the garage refrigerator, where Greg was at the time. Suddenly, I broke through and said, “Annie, tell Dad, ‘Mom says Ouch’.” She looked at her sister like I was crazy so I repeated myself more emphatically. She said okay and went to the garage.

I think he ran. A moment later he was encircling me with his arms and saying, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you. Thank you so much for saying ‘Ouch.’ Thank you so much for telling me what you needed.” Suddenly I could speak. I told him simply what hurt. He apologized. We hugged. And it was over. Just like that. I haven’t had the chance to try “Ouch” again. By understanding so much of men’s behavior, I am rarely hurt by the things they do. So it was an experiment of only one incident. But since then I have spoken to hundreds of women about our feelings. They have all agreed with the description here. I encourage you to try “Ouch” yourself. Whether you can do it in those first critical moments, or muster the ability some time later, as I did, I think it is worth doing. I would love to hear how it goes. Peace.”

(Source: http://jimmytst.tumblr.com/post/30032393528/all-is-love-this-is-one-of-the-most)

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Posted in Healing

Self-care is priority

Self-care is essential at all times.

It can mean slowing down and breathing more consciously.

By doing so, it can reduce the risk of accidents, the risk of overeating, the risk of making unwise decisions or saying inappropriate words, and so on.

Mindful living and breathing is the key to better health and safety, better relationships, better financial management, and so on.

Posted in Freedom, Healing, Love, Psychology

Protecting my vibe

One of the hardest things to do perhaps is to love and accept ourselves and be gentle with ourselves and others at all times, as we live in constant interactions with society.

We are constantly being judged by others, no matter how well we conduct ourselves, how well we speak, how good our intentions are, how much we seek to improve or learn from our mistakes, etc.

If people judge us, perhaps it is because they haven’t learnt to love and accept themselves as they really are too. (The same goes for us, as we all are on a journey.)

Self-love and self-respect is so important that it requires practice on a constant basis, with the need for mindful breathing, for continual awareness.

How do I know when I haven’t really loved and accepted myself for who I really am fully?

  • When I fail to be gentle with myself because I have allowed shame to cripple me instead of using guilt and contrition as an impetus to grow and learn to do better
  • When I don’t carry myself with respect and dignity because I forget to be mindful and watch my body posture
  • When I judge others, because I haven’t learn how to integrate my light and dark sides
  • When I place expectations on others to fulfil my needs, not realising I am already complete and whole
Posted in Healing, Nature

Deconstructing the health industry

Come to think of it, why is the health industry so called? Is the emphasis on health or industry? I suppose it depends on our perspectives, and I am going to share a perspective shaped by my experience of going to a hospital yesterday.

Yesterday I accompanied my mother to a hospital for her routine quarterly medical appointment. It wasn’t a very pleasant experience. For a start, I started having runny nose when I reached there, probably due to the air-conditioning and the invisible bugs that struck when my immune system was low. I also found the place rather crowded, and I disliked having to wait for the number to be called or wait for the lift to arrive.

In addition, I noticed a rising number of people on wheelchairs at the hospital over the years – is the nation getting sicker and weaker due to the aging population, the unhealthy diet and lack of exercise, and so on? Last but not least, the hospital has been renovated recently to look more modern, more corporate, more office-like, with computers and modes of payment devices, and so on. The hospital – in a nutshell – has become a corporation in a capitalistic world.

Busy hospital corridor activities nurse patient in queue waiting doctor
© Photographer: Bakhtiarzein | Agency: Dreamstime.com

Indeed, the whole hospital environment has been looking more and more crowded and complicated to me. Long queues of patients waiting, coupled with the machine-like efficiency of the system processing information, give the impression that I was in a modern hi-tech factory rather than a healing sanctuary. The hospital seems to have become an industrial cash cow – patients are the customers, and the staff are recruited to attend to the customers and process their payment for the services rendered and the products bought from the pharmacy.

I was wondering to myself if it is really necessary for most people to go to hospital in the first place. I mean, I understand the hospital can be useful for making diagnoses of symptoms, attending to medical emergencies, and so on, but for the majority of the cases when it comes to less serious or less urgent conditions, wouldn’t it be better to seek alternative treatments such as naturopathy, homeopathy, acupuncture, reflexology, ayurvedic therapy and so on, or practise healthy lifestyles or engage in health-giving activities in the form of doing yoga, meditation and so on, rather than going to see some doctors and get pharmaceutical medicines that only treat the symptoms and not the root causes of the symptoms?

In indigenous societies, how do people stay healthy or seek treatment when they are ill where there are no hospitals? As much as their native ways of treatment may look primitive or backward to most modern scientists, they are at least tried and tested and proven and passed on from generation to generation. I believe their treatments also usually don’t have side effects, unlike chemical drugs or treatments.

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Most of all, people living in or close to natural environments such as forests, mountains and seasides, aren’t usually bogged down by stress that is often associated with an urban lifestyle that saps people’s energy levels, through the wage slavery system, the media propaganda about meeting societal expectations and climbing the proverbial career ladder, the corporate doctrine that glorifies hard work at the expense of health and rest, the materialistic view of “success”, and so on.

So, at the risk of sounding simplistic, I think most of the patients I saw at the hospital would be much better off going to a beach or a park to get some exercise and enjoy relaxation than having to go to a factory-like environment and bear with the misery of being cooped up in a concrete building with all sorts of machineries and electronic devices surrounding them for hours, and then paying for pharmaceutical products that only treat symptoms and tend to produce side effects when they are taken in the long term.

Phuket beach resort
© Photographer: Pixelation2 | Agency: Dreamstime.com

Nature is free, enables us to reconnect to our true self, provides fresh, health-giving air, and restores calm and peace to our inner being, with no negative side effects. Isn’t it better if everyone chooses to take care of their own health through diet, lifestyle choices and so on than to depend on the pharmaceutical health industry to do it for them?

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Posted in Healing, Love, Psychology

Thoughts on how to clear dark entities

This comprehensive blog by Elizabeth Dahl Kingery reminds me of Nikola Tesla’s quote about thinking in terms of energy, frequency and vibration if we want to find the secrets of the Universe, for everything is energy which changes from one form to another. Given that the earth is about 4.6 billion (or 4,600 million) years old and the modern human species is relatively young, about 200 million years old, there must be a lot of energy that has been accumulated over millions of years circulating around the world, changing from one form to another, through the continual birth and death and evolution of plants, animals and human beings. As her blog said, there are benevolent and malevolent energies or entities we encounter in life, and each of us has our unique, individual ways of doing “our deep inner work of moving through (our) painful emotions and fears towards enlightenment”, whether it be deep relaxation, visualisation, meditation, certain crystals, herbs and high-frequency food and so on.

This cycle of existence, which suffering and pain is a part of, reminds me of the Buddhist concept of samsara – I googled and found this article by Teal Swan that has a similar view of accepting and embracing and working through our feelings and emotions in the process of doing our deep inner work. Recently, I decided to articulate in a blog on why and how I am learning to feel and express my feelings and emotions in order to more fully experience what it is to be human and to be alive.

And yes, we can trust and allow our intuition to guide us “because (our) higher self knows best what someone needs, and when they’re most open to receiving it.” I also have come to see that “self-love and self-empowerment are the most effective healing modalities for clearing entities” because the highest form of energy and the highest frequency is love, and our true self or identity is essentially and intrinsically love.

Posted in Equality, Grace, Healing, Inspiration, Love, Peace, Psychology, Racism, Religious fundamentalism, Unity and harmony

Social activism – the inner life

Social activists need to grow as humans as well because the greatest enemy isn’t outside, whether it is white supremacy or colonialism or patriarchy; it is the untamed ego or shadow side of us. (We can have a holistic t’shuvah understanding of ourselves, recognising that while we bear the image of the divine, we have a capacity to do tremendous good or terrible evil.)

When we succeed in bringing about a revolution and challenging and dismantling white supremacy, for example, the question is “what’s next?” Is the response “who’s the next enemy?” If so, it can become a means to not deal with our interior life and stay preoccupied with fighting against an external perceived enemy all the time. This can lead to infighting in social activist groups or movements as the members begin to turn on one another. But if the response is “how can I continue to create a better and more humane world?” then one can find creative ways to bring about or facilitate restoration and reconciliation. It might mean working through one’s own pain and suffering to experience healing and peace more and more; it might mean reaching out to help the oppressed heal from their pain and suffering; it might mean working with the white people who are aware and willing to bring about equality in real and tangible ways in society, and so on.

To be sure, social activists are human and have their own fears and egos and insecurities. But are they going to allow these to override their primary motivation in activism, which is a love for oneself and others and working towards their emancipation? If others’ freedom and well being are their top priority, they can choose to not their own hurt pride and wounded ego get in the way of their mission to alleviate the oppressed of their pain and suffering.

Social activists have to learn to develop a thick skin and a willingness to be open and receptive to questions and criticisms. They have to realise that as public figures who have a platform that is open to scrutiny from the rest of the world, they cannot be shielded or sheltered from opposing views or different perspectives. Instead, they can choose to learn from the criticisms and different perspectives to do their own soul searching, to grow and expand, to become stronger and bigger persons.

Social activists need to create a space for themselves to embrace their own brokenness, weaknesses and vulnerabilities as well as that of others. Only then can they live an honest and authentic life, and continue to inspire others with their humanness.

Social activists can choose to learn from other role models who have been through struggles and upheavals themselves and who are open about their struggles. People such as Rob Bell and Carlton Pearson, who have suffered and been ostracised in their work to challenge oppressive systems and mindsets and who have worked through their struggles and shared openly about them, can serve as such role models.

Posted in Healing

Sacral Chakra Healing

2nd Chakra: The Navel Chakra

Physical Body: The navel chakra belongs to the reproductive system, the testicles and ovaries, the urinary bladder and the kidneys.

Emotional Body: The navel chakra is our source of creativity and sexuality.

Two inches below the navel and rooted in the spine. It is the seat of our creative force, sexuality, sensuality, and emotions. It connects us to the world through movement, sensation, desire, and feelings.

To balance this chakra is drinking water. Our kidneys, associated with the navel chakra, filter 150 -180 liters of blood every 24 hours.

It is associated with the color orange. Foods that support this chakra are tropical fruits, seeds, nuts, and orange-colored foods (oranges, tangerines, carrots, etc.)

“Focus on *feeling* the abundance of the universe all around you.

 Inviting creativity to surround you, flow within you and express out of you is the healing flow of energy through your sacral chakra.

Dr Laura Koiver, MD

Resources

Sacral Chakra Healing Course

6 Ways to Balance Your Sacral Chakra

Your Sacral Chakra – Creativity, Sexuality, Relationships, Pleasure

Sacral Chakra – Svadhisthana (2nd Chakra)

Posted in Healing, Racism, Unity and harmony

A call to deal with systemic and institutional racism

More and more people, especially those in the West, are becoming more aware and are talking openly about the issues of racism and white privilege. It is thus heartening to see the speaker acknowledging the issues and challenging people, especially those of his own race, to see through the myths and recognize that historically, many white people have been mistreating the native Americans and the black community, stealing from them their territories and their labour, sweat and tears. Indeed, this reality is opposite of what people have been told by the media that has been dominated by privileged people, and it is good and courageous of him to debunk the myths and to encourage his fellow whites to deal with the issues of racism and white privilege that their ancestors have started, in order to bring about greater healing and equality among humanity.
Posted in Healing

BREATHING and “THE KNOW-WHAT’s” for YOUR BODY

Video information

“Segmet.net” provides critical and rare information on Breathing and what to do to gain the greatest benefit for your own Self. Part 2 contains an actual Breathe-along portion. Enjoy!

I have checked out both videos and watched them twice as her message on how to breathe deeply and consciously is so refreshing and important as a perennial reminder for me. I learnt that breathing deep down into our diaphragms can activate who we really are in our body and help clear the emotional trauma/tension that is stored above/around the diaphragm area. I find her demonstration of the deep breathing useful and I noted that the method of inhaling through the nostrils and exhaling through the mouth slowly at our own pace and space is similar to that taught by a trekking expedition guide when my hiking companions and I were warming up to climb the mountain to go to Cemerong Waterfalls. Talking about water, I find her reminder of staying hydrated in order to eliminate toxins from our body helpful too. I enjoyed listening to the warm and informative talk by the speaker.

Posted in Healing, Love

Listening with compassion

Video description

Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says listening can help end the suffering of an individual, put an end to war and change the world for the better. Watch as he explains how to practice compassionate listening.